The yoga teacher said what, now?!

I once giggled for 15 mins of a yoga DVD because the teacher kept saying "chat" (said like "shat") (which is short for "Chaturanga Dandasana", which is long for "low push up"). 

The word "shat" in my part of the world means "to poop a little when you fart", and normally 'fart humour' doesn't giggle-my-funny much any more, not like it did when I was 10, or even when I was 16 or 21. I must have lost my fart-humour along the way. Whatever.

I was having a silly day that day.

So, hearing the word "shat" mixed in between beautiful Sanskrit words and English yogic poetry that day was enough to send me into a ridiculous giggle-fit. If there had been other people with me or if it happened in church, I would've been rolling on the floor by the end posture.

Sometimes yoga teachers say weird things.

Sometimes they (meaning "I" as well!) say things that stir the dirty-minded humour I fell helplessly in love with as a young, slightly rebellious girl. Some of the things I hear or say in a yoga class now, I wouldn't be able to hear without snickering or say without laughing back when I was young. 

I love comparing my mind to how it once was to how it is now. It's an obvious evolution. Evolution of humour. It's a real thing!

And then there are times, while I'm teaching, I will lose track of words, like "I'm not sure where I'm going with this".... sometimes something fitting pops up, or sometimes something not-so-fitting-but-enough-to-keep-going pops up, or sometimes, I run with the complete blank and cut it off with a "take a deep breath in" in hopes that no one noticed too much or will judge me about it. 

There are some other times, a word with a thick Newfoundland accent slips out by accident (like, "breeding" meaning "breathing". My lips or tongue sometimes remember its native tongue while I'm so focused on my breat' and posture that I forget how I talk.)  

I always assume people can giggle at the mistakes and silly-word slips.

On the other side of the spectrum, sometimes yoga teachers say the most beautiful things. One of my favourite quotes from one of my teachers is: let your mind fall into your heart. (Which actually could sound "weird" to some people! But to me: it is sweet perfection!)

What are some weird, funny or beautiful things you've heard (or said!) in a yoga class?

We gotta ask ourselves:

Do the things we focus our attention on benefit us and contribute to society in anyway?

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  Do the things we spend time doing or talking about or reading or watching or listening to or thinking, actually help anything? Do the things we give attention to have a greater purpose? Do they motivate us to be better people? Do they cultivate love and compassion in us? Do they make us feel relaxed, awed, in love with life? Do the things we experience and words we speak and think inspire us? Inspire other people? Do those things evolve our minds? Open our consciousness? Give us a sense of purpose?

  Or do the things we focus on hinder us somehow? Numb us? Make us fearful? Create tension in us? Cause unhealthy thoughts, feelings, desires? Do these things disable our creative minds with noise and clutter? Do they cause feelings of separatism? Entitlement? Judgement?

  Perhaps we all need to sit back and really begin to observe how the things we focus our energy on affects us, other people and the planet. 

  We must start with our thoughts.

  Being in a constant state of awareness can and will be exhausting for a while, especially in the beginning. Always seeing the deeper meaning behind everything. Maybe no one knows for certain if it's even worth it or not. Maybe being numb and idol is ok. Maybe what we do as humans doesn't affect anything in any special way. Maybe it's all pointless and we can just do whatever we want with no consequences whatsoever.  

  But I don't believe that.

  In evolutionary terms, human consciousness is in the beginning stages. We, as a spices, have only been around a few hundred-thousand years. Thats not a long time considering the billions of years of existence. Over the last few decades, a lot of us are starting to "wake up" together, becoming more aware of ourselves, our societies, our purpose, and our magnificence. Some are more awake than others. Some just stirring, rubbing the sleep from their eyes for the first time. What is all this "waking up" talk about anyhow? What does it really mean? (I dont think I will answer those questions here in this lil ol' blog, but I will ask them, anyhow.)

  I believe we are given the task of evolving the human mind. Allowing consciousness to see itself through us in, what seems to be, a whole new way. It's our purpose to make sure we take care of it, nurture it and allow it to thrive. 

  That will look different for different people. We each evolve in different yet very connected ways. We each have a purpose to find our individual and collective "awake states". Being here for each other, to thrive the earthly plain for all creatures. We need to wake up to see how we contribute to the pain, ignorance, and destruction of the planet. Any small change inside of us is a massive change and will cause chain reactions in ourselves and other people. We are lucky enough to have been blessed with a human mind, experiencing consciousness as we do. Exercise it. Don't let it get lazy and run on a default setting. No. Take control and be awake in mind. Really watch ourselves, the people around us, any and every thing that comes into our perceptions. Watch with love and evolution as our purpose. Be with it all, see any truths that are available to us in each and every moment and make choices as we go. Dream big, live simply (as complex as it all gets sometimes), love ourselves and others as if we are the same... because we are. 

  Surrender to trust. Trust to surrender.

  It will be exhausting sometimes. Sometimes we will fall down, flop on the floor, become disheartened by the pain, watch a stupid movie, eat a bag of chips, make pointless mind noise, perhaps yell at someone, we will react. We just have to think of the slip-ups on our path as shutting down, clues to specific charging stations, to re-boot, re-start and rev that soul-engine again and be further along the evolutionary path as soon as we wake up and start moving again. We must instantly forgive ourselves, let go, and Love the shut-downs as if we planned them with great purpose, because perhaps we do. Darkness is inevitable in a world full of light, one cannot exist without the other.

  One of my favourite quotes: "Be in a constant state of arrival and departure" (from the movie Waking Life). Always aware of the flow, the changing states of mind and moments of life.

  Be in a constant state of awake. Always waking up with the very next breath. 

  Exhausting yet invigorating.

  Trust it.

  Just let the love in.

  
  

  

Pondering Forgiveness

Someone in my life (I won't go too deeply into who, lets just call him "the biological guy") said to me once "I am waiting for you to apologize to me!" 

And, to me, that made clear an aspect of forgiveness that I have been pondering for a while now. 

It appears he does not understand the true meaning of forgiveness. If he wanted to forgive me (for whatever he is resenting me for) then he could simply forgive me. He shouldn't need me to apologize. It would just come from within him.

When I first began studying the idea of forgiveness during my yog enlightenment training it went something like this: 

Teacher: forgiveness comes from you. You do not need apology or regret from the other person to heal you and forgive them. Forgiveness is accepting things as they are and offering love to the person, no matter how unforgivable the pain may seem.
Me: yes, but, dont they need to-
Teacher: no. 
Me: but don't I need to hear them admit- 
Teacher: no
Me: but woudnt I be letting them away with-
Teacher: no. 
Me: but, how? 
Teacher: find that answer within. 
Me: *eyeroll* 

Thus began my quest to understand forgiveness. 

Since then, I have graciasly forgiven people from my past and I never needed any of them to apologize to me for any of it.

There was a time when there were two boys in my life who I felt hurt me so deeply, that when I saw them again years later (before the forgiveness ponderig began) it was burning me inside. I had to confront them on it. I didn't want them to apologize, I just wanted them to acknowledge and admit to the pain they caused and to see where they were inside about it. It was all in my own head. I was still giving them power over me, which I didn't need to do.

When I (after a few years later) finally forgave them, I realized forgiving them had nothing to do with them. The forgiveness helped me. Healed me. Freed me from ways of thinking. I was able to let it all go and move on with my life. 

I have some people in my life now who I am currently intending to forgive. Again, it has nothing to do with them. It is for my own peace of mind. These examples are proving more difficult to let go and move on from. But every day I am chiseling on the block of marble surrounding the pain I've felt in leu of their actions, soon enough I will create a masterpiece of love and acceptance and will look at those people with no more resentment behind my eyes. They don't need to do a single thing for me to get there. It's all my own work. 

Is there someone in your life who you are working to forgive? Can you own the pain and forgive anyhow?

 What are some of your thoughts about forgiveness? 

The Yoga / Make-Up Debate

I (hesitantly) admit that I wear make-up to yoga classes; as a student and a teacher. It's one of my internal struggles, for sure. A struggle, which is caused by my ego in at least two ways: 1. Caring what other people think of me without makeup and 2. Caring what other people think of me wearing it. (Trapped in that inner dialogue, it seems.)

The most noticeable difference from the 30 day yoga challenge!

It's not the abs and increased core strength... It's not the fact that one could break rocks on my glutes... It's not the leg and arm strength... It's not how long I can balance on one leg... not the increased flexibility...or how even and deep my breath is during practise now... Or even how relaxed and light I feel in mind and body... IT'S (drum roll please): 

Sweet Tears of Savasana

Mmmm... Savasana ...  That sweet, relaxing ending posture. 

Lay back. Lay still. Let the body and mind rest. 

Eye contact: window shopping of the soul.

Eye contact is one of my favourite things. Connecting to the soul of a person, even strangers in passing, with the visual awareness. It can be intense; even a brief moment can reveal layers of love and truth.

Live in the moment, repeat indefinitely.

"If you want to experience the joyous ecstasy that life offers, there is one commitment that is absolutely fundamental: the commitment to live in the moment. With that commitment as your guiding focus, whatever you do in your daily life is part of your transformational process. Your commitment to living in the moment becomes your vehicle for spiritual growth." -Amrit Desai

The Heart/Brain Continuum.

(Tumblr)

A friend of mine sent me the photo above as a way of explaining his trepidation of love.

The Want-To-Run-Through-The-Woods-Naked Urge: Like Grass Peeking Through the Pavement.

(This post originally appeared on elephantjournal.com here)


Out for a late night walk.

That primal, want-to-run-through-the-woods-naked urge strikes as I notice grass peeking up through the cracked pavement.

Artistically Breathing

(This post originally appeared on elephantjournal.com here )

It was one of those late night/early mornings.

The ones where the urge to be creative hits so tightly in the chest that her mind races.

30 Day Yoga Challenge!

When I started Moksha yoga a couple of months ago, I would day dream about going there everyday, heck I fantasize about moving in there––permanently!

This challenge is SO perfect!

Everyday for 30 days I get to do yoga with an amazing group of people, in an amazing, supportive, beautiful smelling atmosphere!

*SWOONS*

I am loving this. My mind, body and soul are up to this challenge!

Not only am I excited about the strength and flexibility my body will gain with doing a regular, intense practise everyday (because, I have been skipping days (and some weeks!) here and there over my yoga life lol), and I am expecting my mind to go through its own transformation, but it is said that a habit is formed and becomes ritual after 24 days– so I am looking forward to dedicating myself to daily practice and keeping it going long after the 30 days. This is a nice, sweet kick in the tush. 

And for an added bonus: I am connecting with people and making friends along the way, something I need more of in my life! 


Day 2 was today...  mmm... So nice. So grateful! 

8 Things That Don't Annoy Me In A Yoga Class (that could annoy me outside of one)

Here are 8 things that Dont Annoy Me in A Yoga Class, that could annoy me outside of one):

Don't yin yoga and drive...?

Blissfully experienced my first full yin yoga class tonight.

Falling from... headstand, grace intact.

I have discovered that practising headstand for a few months in my own private yoga room is really "pressure" free. I can be safe to wobble, with the comfort of my slanted ceiling there to catch me and love me. 

Sanskrit-lish?

I wish I could download Sanskrit into my brain with a click of a button.

 It baffles me how so many people in the local yoga community can use the terms. I hardly know the names of the poses in English, I feel reincarnations away from knowing them in Sanskrit.

Universal Self Love

 

I Love this body

       this  being

       this    soul 

Remarkable oneness 

   Full of crevasses 

          Life force 

              Breath 

                Love 

Water flowing 

Forsaken it with thoughtless sabotage

                  Forgiven 

                  Forgotten

Forgiveness    

Rooted in the earth 

Deep breath - deep smile 

         Gratitude


Caressing this being

            Is the softness of the wind  

    The strength of the wind 

    The stillness

                   of the wind

Quietly

         Lovingly

                    Peacefully

The sun 

      Shinning

               Intensely   

              Comforting

               Nurturing 

      Sustaining        

                   daily 

                Lovingly 

              Peacefully 

             Acceptingly 

      Such is this  body 

              this being

              this  soul 

Completely. 

TMC2013

Letting Go ...of my aversion to feet. Sort of. Eventually.

Tonight, the male yoga teacher stood on the back of my hands with his BARE(!!) feet.. And I didn't die.. Or throw up.. Or become infected with any of the toxins that get released from the bottom of the feet.